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Stories of Grief: Earth-Shattering

MemorialAdmin • January 14, 2016

Written by Memorial Mortuary & Cemeteries in-house grief counselor, Amanda Nelsen:

Have you ever made stained glass before? A while ago, I took a class, where we made beautiful stained glass mosaics from bits of old bottles. We shattered those ugly bottles first. Then we painstakingly picked through shards of glass and arranged them. Then we melted them. Sometimes the melting process mixed the glass in ways I didn’t like. But I love it still the same.

I think my grief has been a bit like making stained glass. It all started by my whole world being shattered. I know I have used that word before – shattered – but the day he died, my world actually shattered. I looked around me and I saw my life in pieces. Literal pieces.

There were the fragments of the future I saw him in. Shards of the plans he had made for himself. As I tried to walk forward, the pieces of the happiness I had taken for granted crunched under my feet.

Every night I would sit and examine the slivers of life that were piled around me. With each of those slivers piercing me, how could I ever enjoy life again? The pain of moving one inch was too much. Each of the shattered pieces pained me to my core.

There was no way I could ever begin to sort through those pieces. And what would I do when I did sort through them? I didn’t want to throw them away – to move on from the pieces. They hold my happiness, my hopes, my love. So, there I sat, surrounded by the broken pieces of my life. Paralyzed in grief.

My past was the only place that felt whole to me. I wanted to live there – in the past – where he was alive.  But I wasn’t allowed to do that. I had to face the present and the future.

I wish I had grand words of advice about how I have done that. But, to be honest, I don’t even know. Each day I simply got up and allowed the pain to wash over me. Each day I would look at my shattered life, and I would find some pieces to work with – to smooth the sharp edges and find a place for them to melt into my new existence.

My life was too shattered to glue it back together how it was, but sometimes I think that I am making a pretty nice stained glass mosaic with the pieces I have left. I am gently combining the sharp, beautiful, pieces of the past with the pieces of the present I am still working on.

It’s not the life I had imagined for myself – but then again, I suppose our lives rarely are. I am working on being grateful that I was given the gift of having him in my life, even for a short while. My life was made more complete because of him. And I won’t let myself continue to wade through the splinters that death has brought me. Instead, I will find joy in what I am creating from that earth-shattering day. Just like I still enjoy my imperfect stained glass piece.

Amanda is a Clinical Mental Health Counselor, specializing in individual and family therapy for people of varying backgrounds. She works for Memorial Estates, running their Grief & Loss Counseling program.

She has extensive experience working with adolescents and families in the community. Amanda received her Master’s Degree in Educational Psychology from the University of Utah. There she focused on Multicultural and Client Centered Counseling.

Amanda started her career working for Salt Lake County Youth Services, serving families from all backgrounds and with a wide variety of issues. She further developed her passion for helping people recover and heal from trauma and loss.

In counseling, Amanda values the trust and safety of the therapeutic relationship. She creates a counseling environment full of compassion, safety, empathy, and understanding. She constantly strives to help to cultivate strong relationships and assist families to cope with the loss of a loved one. Through her open attitude, and the warm environment that she facilitates, families can begin to feel peace as they work through their bereavement.

Memorial Estates, with the help of Amanda Nelsen, is committed to helping you through the loss of your loved one. You may contact Amanda at (801) 718-1520 or amanda.nelsen@securitynational.com

John Allen Gilbert “Pop Pop”

By MemorialAdmin • April 5, 2023
John Allen Gilbert, “Pop Pop”, passed away April 1, 2023 at his home in Salt Lake City. He was born July 23, 1956 in Los Angeles, California to John Allen Gilbert and Patricia Sanderson. He married Delene Ann Gilbert on April 16, 1986. John was a mechanic, handyman, and a jack-of-all-trades. He loved music, playing … Continued The post John Allen Gilbert “Pop Pop” appeared first on Memorial Mortuaries.

Austin David Westley

By MemorialAdmin • September 27, 2022
Austin David Westley, 32 passed away peacefully at home surrounded by those he loved after a brutal fight with appendix cancer. His beautiful soul touched so many lives and we will all forever be changed having known him. The world became a brighter place when Austin was born to loving parents David and Janis Westley … Continued The post Austin David Westley appeared first on Memorial Mortuaries.

Grief Integration

By MemorialAdmin • September 21, 2022
  Written by Memorial Mortuary & Cemeteries in-house Grief Counselor, Amanda Nelsen How can I get closure? This is a question I hear on a pretty regular basis. And I completely understand what is behind it – we want to be able to put the painful feelings of grief behind us. We want to be … Continued The post Grief Integration appeared first on Memorial Mortuaries.

Regret

By MemorialAdmin • June 30, 2022
Written by Memorial Mortuary & Cemeteries in-house Grief Counselor, Amanda Nelsen The topic of regret has been on my mind recently. I often hear clients talk about the regrets they had after a loved one died – some become quite reflective on things they could have done differently or “better” while their loved one was … Continued The post Regret appeared first on Memorial Mortuaries.

Patrick Arthur Murphy

By MemorialAdmin • May 30, 2022
Our most beloved father, grandfather, brother, uncle, and friend unexpectedly returned to his loving God on May 20, 2022.   Patrick Arthur Murphy was born on July 4, 1942 in Coronado, California. Pat was a twin to his brother, Pete, rounding out the four sons of John Tennyson Murphy and Mable Burnett Murphy. Pat spent … Continued The post Patrick Arthur Murphy appeared first on Memorial Mortuaries.

Navigating Grief During and After the Covid-19 Pandemic

By MemorialAdmin • March 30, 2022
    As a grief therapist, I have seen a lot of people grieving loved ones who died from Covid-19 over the past couple of years. A recent study has shown that people who have experienced the death of a loved one due to Covid-19, have increased mental health issues than a pre-pandemic death (Breen, … Continued The post Navigating Grief During and After the Covid-19 Pandemic appeared first on Memorial Mortuaries.

An Update regarding COVID-19 and its impacts on funeral, burial, and memorial services

By MemorialAdmin • April 23, 2020
We are grateful your family has chosen to entrust your loved one into our care. The recent COVID-19 pandemic has required us to enact some adjustments to how we conduct arrangement conferences, viewings, funeral or memorial services, and other aspects of our processes. Our goal is to allow you and your family to spend as … Continued The post An Update regarding COVID-19 and its impacts on funeral, burial, and memorial services appeared first on Memorial Mortuaries.

Why is a funeral so important?

By MemorialAdmin • September 26, 2019
  Recently, an article came out highlighting the incredible relationship between a mother Orca and her baby calf, who passed away shortly after being born. The mother, Tahlequah, used her snout to keep her deceased calf afloat for 17 days and covered over 1,000 miles of ocean in the process, an unprecedented display of mourning … Continued The post Why is a funeral so important? appeared first on Memorial Mortuaries.

Coping With A Terminal Illness

By MemorialAdmin • May 7, 2019
Many of us have seen a loved one struggle with a terminal diagnosis. It isn’t something we like to talk about, but many of us will also get our OWN terminal diagnosis.  Having a terminal diagnosis brings its own type of grief and decisions to be made. How do you grieve your own death before … Continued The post Coping With A Terminal Illness appeared first on Memorial Mortuaries.

Grief Resources for Children

By MemorialAdmin • January 3, 2019
Written by Memorial Mortuary & Cemeteries in-house grief counselor, Amanda Nelsen: I am often asked for resources for young children who have lost someone close to them. Stories are often a good way to open up dialogue with children and illustrate death in a more concrete fashion. I compiled some of my favorites for easy … Continued The post Grief Resources for Children appeared first on Memorial Mortuaries.
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